the climb.

I strongly dislike Miley Cyrus. Especially because sometimes I'm forced to see her on the ads that come up on YouTube as she sings, "Love, money, party" incessantly and tries to look sexy. I just want to shake her and scream, "There's money to life than being as shockingly raunchy as possible!!!" Poor thing.

But back in her Hannah Montana heyday, she had this song...The Climb (which, quite unfortunately, is currently stuck in my head). And, for better of for worse, it was part of my train of thought as I faced a climb of my own last week.

Last weekend, I had the absolute pleasure of spending several days in what might be the most beautiful place I've ever seen...Le Cinque Terre, or "five lands" in Italian. Nestled in cliffs, these five colorful towns are scattered across the Italian Riviera. The weather was perfect, the water was my favorite color and the food was fantastic! The little apartment we stayed in was wonderful as well...complete with a plethora of lemon trees in the garden. And I didn't overanalyze or think about my to-do list or make any plans and I wasn't responsible for anything or anyone...it felt like I could completely relax for the first time in a while.

And here are the pictures to prove it:

But why, you ask, is the title of this blog post "The Climb" if this weekend was so beautiful and relaxing?

Well, our last night there, we decided to embark on what we were informed was a "30-minute hike" to the the far end of the Cinque Terre coastline (we stayed in the last town, Monterosso). But what we expected to be a pleasant, relatively mild coastal walk turned out to be a rather steep hike to the top of the mountain at the far end of the Cinque Terre coastline, which, all in all, took us nearly two hours! 

We just kept following what we hoped was the right trail, and it just kept going...UP. At a certain point, I had gotten so far ahead of Courtney and her mom that I couldn't see or hear them anymore. Then I came to a sign that seemed to indicate that THIS was the beginning of the "30-minute hike." And then it really started going up. And it had already been a long day and it was almost dinner time and the sun was starting to set. But I thought, "I've gotten this far. Let's finish this!"

So up I went, with rather less water than was probably good for me and rather more huffing and puffing than I'd like to admit, all the while hoping I wouldn't have to climb back down in the dark and pondering what would happen if I fell or encountered an ax-murderer or a bear (are there bears in Italy?)...there would be no one to hear me scream...

But, throwing caution to the wind, I continued my ascent...not really knowing where this trail would take me or if there would even be a view at the top to make it all worth it. I just kept thinking about verses like Psalm 121:3 ("He will not let you foot slip--He who watches over you will not slumber") and prayed that would be true. And I felt Him with me, as I do most powerfully when I am alone and it's quiet and distractions are minimal (oh, that we would take more time to shut up and let Him speak).

And as I kept going I thought, Isn't life like this? We don't know what's coming around the bend in the path, and sometimes life is a sandy-toed stroll along the beach and sometimes it's a white-knuckled struggle up a mountain. 

Take it away, Miley...

"The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby..."

I can't believe I just quoted Miley Cyrus. Yeah. That happened.

Oh and by the way, there was an AMAZING view from the top, I got to see the sunset, Courtney met me up there and we walked back together, and I didn't break my ankle, fall off a cliff, get eaten by bears or axed to death by a psychopath.

I know we can't always have mountaintop experiences. Sometimes we do slip and slide all the way back into that valley. Sometimes the climb seems never-ending. Sometimes we just want to give up because the struggle just doesn't seem worth it.

But I hope at the end of this earthly life, I will feel like I did when I finally reached the top of that mountain. I hope I can say, along with Paul, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy 4:7

un matrimonio italiano.

The last three days have definitely been an adventure. In fact, today was supposed to be an adventure as well (a hiking trip up snow-capped mountains...thwarted by a forecast of rain and exhaustion brought on by the aforementioned three days of adventure). Quindi (and so), I have an unexpected plan-free day to tell you all about it.

Let's start with Friday. Friday I had the pleasure of going with three friends to an agriturismo (very common in the Italian countryside...basically a combination of a farm and a bed and breakfast). The highlight of this much-needed escape from city life was galloping through olive groves with this in the background:

[Actually I'm still waiting for a picture my lovely tour guide took on her phone near the end of our ride, so hopefully I can add that soon.]

And I realized how much I miss riding. It's been over a year since I've been on a horse (and even longer since I've been in a horse show or jumped a fence), so it felt good to be "back in the saddle." Literally. Well, it felt good during the ride itself. I'm not gonna lie, I'm actually still sore (after three days). I don't think I really noticed how much of a workout riding is when I did it several times a week in high school. Ah, nostalgia. 

So that day was really fun, and of course being with those three friends is always a joy :)

Then, early the next morning, I met up with people from my church in Rome to go to the region of Abruzzo to fellowship with other evangelical churches in Italy. It was great to meet so many Italian believers and hear how Christ has changed their lives. ["Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." -2 Corinthians 5:17]

We met in a park, and one church did a "mime" about the masks we wear. There was "la bella" (the beautiful girl who cares so much about her appearance...but behind her mask of self confidence, she's insecure and obsessed with the "faults" she sees in the mirror), the party animal (who seems to be always having fun and laughing at life, but who is killing himself trying to please people and searching for acceptance), the bully (who is cruel to others as a sort of self-protection mechanism) and the "religious" person (who scolds and rebukes, but is actually blind and stumbling about). They then went on to depict how Jesus can take the masks away...even if it's difficult at first and even if they wanted to put their masks back on again...they found joy and fulfillment in "taking off the old self with its practices and putting on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." (Colossians 3:9-10)

Then, after a quick lunch, we drove another hour or so to the wedding of two members of our church. We got there just in time to cram into the bathroom and change clothes (or so we thought...seeing as the ceremony started half an hour late, we ended up having plenty of time).

I love weddings. It takes me back to the year I interned for a wedding planner (which was SO much fun :)). I love the details...the decorations, the color choices, the dress, the venue, the food. I've probably been to more weddings than I can count, and I have to say this one was one of my favorites. Not only was it my first Italian wedding, automatically making it special, but the setting was breathtaking, the food was delicious, the dancing was "divertente" and most importantly, the ceremony was nothing short of God-glorifying. 

The ceremony was filled with thanksgiving and the Word. Our pastor talked about 1 Corinthians 13, focusing on the fact that though we can and should strive to love like this (with patience, kindness, humility, forgiveness, selflessness and hope), we will never love others perfectly. I wish I didn't, but I still hold grudges, "keeping record of wrongs"...I still want what I don't have and I don't want to wait for it...I still snap at my mom and don't think of my roommate before myself. I am not always patient or kind and, I'm sure, I'm often rude. So these verses are a beautiful standard, but it's important to note that Christ was the only one who ever lived up to it. And only because of Him could I ever hope to not lash out in frustration at a personal jab or be self-seeking, envious and proud. 

The vows were beautiful and so was the message from the pastor of the groom's home church. In every aspect of the ceremony, God got the credit. Rarely have I seen that done so intentionally and wholeheartedly at a wedding, at it was truly lovely to witness. 

I could go on and on about how marriage is (or should be) a picture of Christ's relationship with us (with His "bride," the church [Ephesians 5:25-27]). But I feel like I've said it all before, so I'll let this video do the talking. (Because if a picture's worth a thousand words, a video can speak volumes, right?)

Italian weddings are lengthy affairs. And this one reflected three main aspects of Italian culture. 

First of all, Italians care about friends and family and are generally very inviting, hospitable and inclusive. This was exemplified in the group photo. I kid you not...we took a group photo with all 200+ people at that wedding.

Secondly, Italians love to eat. Again, I kid you not, we ate for over four hours. That's eight courses, my friends. I didn't think I was going to make it there for a while.

But then, we all made room for desert by dancing off the first seven platefuls of food. Because, last but not least, Italians love to have fun! They had a band who played traditional music and led in traditional dances from that region of Italy. I think this was my favorite part of the day. I love dance. It can say so much about a country's culture and heritage. And it just feels good to move and let loose!

I finally crawled into bed a little after 1 a.m. (even though the party was still going strong). But the weekend wasn't over yet! The next morning, we went to the groom's home church and enjoyed worshipping together and (you guessed it!) more food. Lasagna, veggies and vast array of desserts. And coffee, of course. Then, around 3 p.m., all 50 or so of us sat down to share a little about ourselves and how we can be praying for each other.

So this weekend was definitely a cultural experience. And a beautiful one at that :) But I have to admit I was pretty happy to be home (at around 7 p.m. last night)...to relax, do a little yoga, watch a movie, and just not speak to anyone for a few hours ;)

Even with all it's quirks (and what culture doesn't have plenty of those?), I'm so grateful I get to live in and really experience Italy. I'm amazed by all the things I've gotten to see and do so far and all the people I've had the pleasure of getting to know. Here's to eight more months of this crazy, challenging, exciting adventure!

this ain't Burger King...

Is that even Burger King's slogan anymore? 

"Have it your way."

If we're honest, that's what we all want...isn't it? We want it our way...we want what we want when we want it and how we want it.

But (again, still being transparent with ourselves here) do we really know what we want? And if we think we do, are we sure it's what we really need? Are we sure it's what's best?

We live in a me-centered, self-satisfying, find-what-feels-good world. We want what's comfortable and convenient. What tastes good. What feels good. What affirms me. What satisfies me. What works for me.

But what if I'm not the center of my own universe? What if I lived as if that were true? Would I love people better? Would I admit that there is a truth outside of what suits me in my life right now? Would I see that there's something bigger than me and my maximum of 90-or-so years on this Earth?

Would I realize it's not about me?

What if there was a bigger picture? An infinite plan? What if there was a Being that created the tiniest self-replicating cells in the smallest organism as well as Mount Everest, the oceans, Jupiter and Neptune? What if this Being were all-knowing and all-powerful and perfect?

What if He were also personal? Relational? Loving?

Ok, a perfect, wise, loving Creator. Maybe we can cope with that. In fact, that sounds pretty good.

But are we willing to admit we don't deserve the love of One so flawless? 

"Sure, I make mistakes. But I'm a good person."

{There is no one righteous, not even one... -Romans 3:10}

What if we aren't good enough to be in the presence of a King? What if our imperfectness is filthy in His sight? What if we are like mud-smudged, rag-wearing peasants in the presence of royalty?

"That's offensive. I'm not dirty or poor. I haven't done anything abominable."

What if you weren't just dirty? What if you were dead?

"Dead? Really? I have breath in my lungs. I can run and laugh and eat and work. I'm healthy. I'm fine."

{As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins...gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath... -Ephesians 2:1-3}

What if that's true? Would we humble ourselves? Would we admit we needed help? Needed saving?

{But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved... -Ephesians 2:4-5}

So maybe we can admit that there's a God. That He created the world. Maybe we can even admit that we're not perfect. That something inside is missing. Not whole. Not satisfied. Dead. But can we believe that He really loved us enough to offer us life? That He died in our place so that we could live?

{I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full... John 10:10}

Ok, if that sounds at least somewhat acceptable so far, what about this:

{Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' John 14:6}

"Hold up. That's the ONLY way? Just one way? One road? One plan?"

{Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it... Matthew 7:14}

"Nope. Nuh uh. I don't like that. That's way to exclusive. I thought this was a God of love. Shouldn't he be more accepting? Couldn't he have come up with a better way? I've got some ideas of my own, God...Here's how I think it should be done..."

{Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom... Proverbs 1:7}

Maybe none of this is too hard for you to digest because you believe it. But even if you believe that Jesus died for you, had the power to come back to life and is even now seated at the right hand of the Father...even if you go to church and "do what you're supposed to do"...even if you truly have a relationship with Him (with all the indescribable joy and future hope that goes along with it)...

Are you still trying to have it your way?

Here's the story that a member of our Italian church read during the service last Sunday that convicted me...It's a story of an army commander named Naaman who had leprosy and came to the prophet Elisha to be cured:

{Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, 'Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.' But Naaman went away angry and said, 'I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.' -2 Kings 5:10-11}

Do you feel like that?

"No, God. That's ridiculous. You're wrong. I know a better way. It should happen like this...My plan is better."

{'My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thought that your thoughts.' -Isaiah 55:8-9}

By the way, Naaman eventually did what Elisha said and he was cured of his leprosy. 

He, like so many other biblical figures, tried to have it his way (remember what happened when Abraham and Sarah were promised a child but didn't want to wait for God to provide?).

But it just doesn't work that way.

"I want this...I prefer it that way...It's just not meeting my needs...I would be so much happier if...I wish..."

"I deserve a pay raise...I should have a job I'm not overqualified for by now...Life should look like this...Church should be done this way...Worship should be done that way...He should serve me...I should get what I want when I want it and how I say I want it."

Pause.

Deep breath.

Repeat after me:

"It's not about me."

If your life is not about you, who is it about?

If you were not the center of your universe, how would your life be different?

satisfied?

I used to love romantic comedies.

I've seen more than my fair share of them. I loved curling up on the couch and eating a way too generous portion of something sweet. It is escapism at its best: being carried away by a story in which all the loose ends are tied up around a nice little package of confectioner's sugar labeled "Happily Ever After."

For most of my childhood (yes, childhood...as one example, I somehow convinced my parents to take me and my 5-year-old brother to see Titanic when it came out in theaters when I was 7) and teenage years, and even through college, I can see now how my perception and definition of love was derived almost exclusively from chick flicks. 

I almost threw up in my mouth a little to admit that. But it's true. And I think it's still true for a lot of people. And I'm still a recovering RomCom-aholic. 

And perhaps the worst part is that I was almost entirely unaware of the fact until a few years ago. I remember the first time the thought entered my mind that this sort of entertainment could even be considered detrimental was when a friend described chick flicks as "female porn." That may seem extreme, but think about it: In the same way that pornography appeals to men (and women) on a visual and sexual level, chick flicks feed women's (and men's) emotional cravings for companionship and intimacy.

So what happens if our ideas about love and sex come solely from movies and pop culture? Here's a completely non-exhaustive list of unrealistic expectations:

1. The goal is the get-together (the film ends when the lovers finally figure everything out and skip off into the proverbial sunset)

2. Even if said "get-together" involves abandoning another to be with "the right one," it's okay because the protagonists were "meant to be together."

3. Being with that special someone is the only thing that will truly make you happy (cue The Beatles, "All You Need is Love")

4. That special someone will look like Ryan Reynolds or Henry Cavill and will absolutely ooze wit and charm.

And on top of these things that characterize the "cuter," "sweeter," "more innocent" RomComs, it seems that society has become appropriately disillusioned with puppy love alone and so, in the name of protecting hearts, they've decided it's easier to just use each other for sex. (Anyone seen Friends with Benefits or No Strings Attached?)

In fact, I watched a movie last night (remember, I labeled myself as "recovering") in which one of the characters was describing her last failed relationship: "I mistook sex for love...It was fun!" Wow, what a great message.

I'll refrain from spending more than two sentences on 50 Shades of Grey because there is already a superfluity of articles flying around Facebook concerning this controversial pop culture phenomenon, but has humanity really sunk so low as to desire what boils down to little more than manipulation and abuse in its attempt to gratify longings for sex and love? However, I feel I am not authorized to say much more than that, having not read the book and having no intention of seeing the movie.

This isn't meant to be a bitter diatribe. I'm not bitter. I'm sad. I'm sad because I can see what such messages have done to my views on love and how they have impacted so many of my friends, whether or not they realize it. I've seen too many people I love caught up in on-again-off-again relationships or "serial dating" in their never-ending search for a version of love that doesn't exist.

It's so easy to get carried away. By life. By society's definition of "normal." By desires. By what feels good. But "going with the flow" can take you over a waterfall or, at the very least, through some pretty serious rapids, without a healthy dose of self awareness.

What are you searching for? What are you chasing after? What do you want?

I want chocolate. I love chocolate. It makes me happy. It tastes good. My stomach literally just growled. 

There's half a homemade chocolate cake in the kitchen, and I know for a fact how decadently delicious it is. But if I go in there right now with a fork and devour the whole thing in one sitting, I'm going to make myself sick. More than that, there's no protein or nutritional value, so if that's all I ate today I would still be hungry. And if I make a habit of eating large amounts of cake on a daily basis, it will produce noticeable and undesirable results. 

That may seem like a cliche example, but doesn't the same principle apply to so many other things in life? I won't bother with specifics; a little self-examination will reveal what it looks like in your own life.

But it is so obvious to me how I and so many others have tried and failed to fill and satiate and satisfy our hunger with the cotton candy version of love flaunted by films and other forms of fiction. I mean, speaking practically, when I am truly hungry, I don't want cotton candy, a sugar cookie or chocolate cake. Personally, I want something like a grilled chicken salad with a sweet potato on the side.

In the same way that chocolate may taste good in the moment but isn't doing anything to truly nourish my body, so it goes with the world's version of "love." The chocolate cake in the kitchen cannot satisfy me. Neither has any boyfriend I've ever had ever been able do. Nor will my husband one day, if I ever get married. Nor will any job or hobby or any other thing I enjoy. 

(Not that almost anything in moderation and in its proper context is inherently bad: "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17)

We're human. We all have cravings and desires and longings. We get hungry and thirsty. We get tired. We want things that are bad for us. We indulge in the temporary and feast on the fleeting.

How are you satisfying your hunger and thirst? What are you resting in?

As always, this is getting to be longer than I originally intended, and there are so many verses relating to these thoughts that I could expound upon. However, I think I'll just list them and pray you read them slowly and allow them to speak to you in their own way:

" The woman said to the serpent, 'We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die."'

'You will not certainly die,' the serpent said to the woman. 'For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.'

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." (Genesis 3:2-7)

"...Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you but you must master it." (Genesis 4:7)

"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." (Isaiah 55:2)

"He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty." (Proverbs 28:19)

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for me, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." (Psalm 107:8-9)

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water...My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." (Psalm 63:1, 5)

"When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me." (Hosea 13:6)

"She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them....She decked herself with rings and jewelry and went after her lovers, but me she forgot." (Hosea 2:7, 13)

"All man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied...This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." (Ecclesiastes 6:7, 9)

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." (Matthew 5:6)

"Jesus answered, 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'" (John 5:13-14)

"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'" (John 6:35)

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15:9-13)

"'In that day,' declares the Lord, 'you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'...'I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.'" (Hosea 2:16, 19)

And because sometimes the Message has an interesting way of phrasing things, here's its version of 1 Corinthians 13:

"Love never gives up. 
Love cares more for others than for self. 
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. 
Love doesn’t strut, 
Doesn’t have a swelled head, 
Doesn’t force itself on others, 
Isn’t always “me first,” 
Doesn’t fly off the handle, 
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, 
Doesn’t revel when others grovel, 
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 
Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, 
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."

Give me that over some puffed up, fluffy Hollywood version of romance any day.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Whoa.

Today is my one-year anniversary of living in Rome. 

On January 8, 2014, my overnight flight landed in the city and country I'd been praying to go to for over a year. I think the sweet Italian preteen next to me probably thought I was insane for bouncing up and down in my seat and leaning over her to take in the views of hills and mountains and sea as the plane descended into the Fiumicino Airport.

We recently returned from a short trip to Spain, which was beautiful and exciting and tougher than I expected as things seemed to just fall apart when we got to Seville. Instead of the vacation we expected (there's that recurring theme of expectations vs. reality again), we found an apartment with no heat or hot water, a space-heater that blew a fuse, a Spanish stranger in our house during the power outage, technicians (who apparently had keys to the apartment where we were staying) fixing the heat/hot water situation until 1 a.m., limited means of communication to organize meeting up with our sweet Italian friend who decided to join us in Seville, and eating dinner in a Chinese restaurant on New Year's Eve because literally everything else was closed (because apparently in Seville it's a day for family...honestly I cannot describe the ghost town that this vibrant city transformed into by about 8 p.m.)

So after our delightful dinner, people finally started emerging from their houses and heading to the main plaza to partake in the New Year's grape-popping tradition (at midnight, Spaniards eat one grape for each chime of the clock). Oh and by the way, that was humorous in an of itself because there we were with our grapes, ready to bring in the New Year....and the clock only dongs four times. And just stops. So everyone kind of looks around confusedly, shrugs, and just starts eating their grapes and kissing each other.

But before the somewhat anticlimactic initiation of 2015, Courtney asked us all what was our favorite moment of 2014. Immediately, countless amazing, challenging, memorable moments ran through my brain. How could I pick just one?

It was the year I moved overseas...to a totally different culture...farther than I've ever been from my family and all things familiar. It was the year I learned a new language. I have been humbled by that experience and so many others this year. I've learned a lot about my stress behaviors and how they're just not pretty. I have been heartsick. I've been homesick. I've been physically sick. I've felt like an idiot. I've felt unworthy and unwanted. I've made so many mistakes. I've been lonely.

But I've also been rendered breathless by the beauty of this nation, these people, this continent...the wonders of God's creation and how His Spirit is moving. I've gotten to take in the view from Italian mountaintops and hilltown towers. I've seen the beautiful diversity of German, Spanish and Italian architecture. I swam in the Mediterranean Sea. I stood mere meters from masterpieces...da Vinci's The Last Supper, many works by Caravaggio, several of Bernini's sculptures, the Sistine Chapel. I've seen the ruins of Pompeii and ancient Rome. I've seen the city by motorino and on quiet, magical midnight bike rides (ya know, before our bikes were stolen...). I taught in a university English class and I gave the welcome at my Italian church. I translated for my parents in Tuscany. I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know so many beautiful people. I've seen people open the Bible for the first time. I have worshiped in foreign languages. I've felt more desperately needy for the Bread of Life and Living Water than ever before. I've been burned by the refining fire and beat into shape on the Potter's wheel (though let's face it, I'm still little more than an unseemly lump of clay). I have seen "the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (Psalm 27:13).

I have to remind myself of these miraculous things on the mundane days (and there are many). I get exhausted by the emotional roller coaster and spiritual battlefield this year has been. That may sound dramatic, but it is what it is. I invite you to leap so far out of your comfort zone that you experience it for yourself.

But through it all, through the mountains and valleys of this year and this life, He has been constant and sovereign and so good.

And just because this song (Not for a Moment by Meredith Andrews) is so appropriately playing as I write this, I'll share these lyrics with you:

You were reaching through the storm 
Walking on the water 
Even when I could not see 
In the middle of it all 
When I thought You were a thousand miles away 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

[Chorus]
After all You are constant 
After all You are only good 
After all You are sovereign 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 

[Verse 2]
You were singing in the dark 
Whispering Your promise 
Even when I could not hear 
I was held in Your arms 
Carried for a thousand miles to show 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

[Chorus]

And every step every breath you are there 
Every tear every cry every prayer 
In my hurt at my worst 
When my world falls down 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
[Chorus]
Not for a moment will You forsake me

Love it.

Gosh do I have to remind myself of that constantly. Because sometimes I don't live like I believe that He will "never leave or forsake" me (Joshua 1:5). Even now, as I know I'm over halfway through this two-year journey and aware of the need to plan for the future, I worry and stress and fear for the next step. Because I don't know what it is. And that's hard.

But this has been a recurring verse for me lately: (and really...how often is a verse from Job recurring and encouraging...totally a God thing)

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." -Job 42:2

I may not know exactly what the plan is, but I know it can't be thwarted. And I know that it is for my good and His glory.

So as this week in particular has been one characterized by a downcast, discouraged, disquieted soul, I find rest and comfort and truth in His Word and His presence and just in HIM. And I go back to a verse I'm sure I have quoted here several times before but that is a reminder to shut up, to let go, to let Him be who He is...the Great I AM...that He will fill the whole earth with His glory. And it will be irrefutable. And someday there will be marvelous, joyous, all-in, sold-out worship.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth." -Psalm 46:10

Happy New Year, everyone! Buon anno a tutti voi :)

thankful.

Because I'm a lover of words...I'll start this post, as I have started others (and as I tend to start our English discussion groups), with a definition:

thanksgiving

[thangks-giv-ing]  

• Examples 
• Word Origin 

noun

1.

the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, especially to God.

2.

an expression of thanks, especially to God.

3.

a public celebration in acknowledgment of divine favor or kindness.

4.

a day set apart for giving thanks to God.

5.

(initial capital letter) Thanksgiving Day.

I like the idea of "giving thanks." Because it's not just a state of being grateful. It's an active expression of appreciation for the many ways we've been blessed.

We always have a Thanksgiving worship service at my church back home, and I think it's really beautiful how my pastor brings out a microphone and people throughout the sanctuary say what they're thankful for. 

Actually, I'll never forget how my friend said one year, "This may sound weird, but I'm thankful for hardships." He went on to say that even the seemingly "bad" things--the struggles--had been a blessing because they had brought him closer to the Lord. Something to chew on.

Anyway, this Thanksgiving was quite unique for me in many ways. For one thing, I kicked it off by meeting an Italian friend for coffee. So, yeah...definitely never spent Thanksgiving in a foreign country with the first words out of my mouth in the morning being in a foreign language. So that's new.

But aside from the whole extremity of living in a foreign country, this was the first night before Thanksgiving I didn't go with my whole family to see a movie...It's the first Thanksgiving morning I haven't woken up to Mom telling me to hurry up and come downstairs because the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is starting...It's the first year I haven't had TWO ridiculously large and delicious meals to gobble up (pun intended)...It was the first year I've had to take part in the cooking (my amazing Grandmothers always have that under control)...It was the first year I didn't help my grandparents decorate their Christmas tree, put candles in their windows, hang that plastic mistletoe in the living room doorway, and turn out the lights to "ooooh" and "aaaah" at the finished product while Bing Crosby crooned in the background.

So on Thanksgiving (and I'm sure I'll also feel this way at Christmas) I did so deeply miss my family and friends. I missed Grammy's pumpkin cake and Nanny's sweet potatoes and stuffing. I missed getting to love on my little cousins and holding my baby cousin (who I've never actually met in person). I missed the southern accents and the love and the laughter.

But I wouldn't trade the texts I got from Italian friends that morning wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving (even though that Thursday is just another day for them, really). Thanks to technology, I was able to watch a live stream of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I wouldn't trade getting to hang out with Italian friends and having dinner with the fellow American ex-pats and followers of Christ who have become such a huge part of my life. FaceTime even allowed me to see my mom's side of the family at lunch and my dad's side at dinner from six time zones away. 

I also hosted my first Thanksgiving party the day after, so Courtney and I got to introduce this American tradition to about 20 of our closest Italian, British and German friends. So I wouldn't trade the six hours of food and conversation and games and laughter either. 

I love how I've always spent Thanksgiving in the past...so many wonderful traditions that are close to my heart and make me feel so at home. 

But I also love how I got to spend it this year. Tradition is great, but change isn't always a bad thing. Life shouldn't be stagnant. Nor should faith. Nor can it, I think, if it is a faith in Someone whose "love is better than life" (Psalm 63) and with whom you have an ever-deepening relationship.

Although where I live and what I do is presumably outside of most people's definition of "normal" and "comfortable," I'm thankful for all the people in my life who I never would have met had I not stepped out of my comfort zone.

So this Thanksgiving, I'm so thankful for the many individuals I have the privilege of loving, from my supportive family back home to my supervisor's daughters that I get to snuggle up with to watch Disney movies to European friends who have become so inexpressibly dear to me in a relatively short period of time.

Ah. I feel more thankful just by expressing my thankfulness. There's something to be said for this whole "giving thanks" thing...

And now that my first international Thanksgiving is over, it's completely socially acceptable to start playing Christmas music now...right? Hope so, because it's playing on Spotify as I write this ;)

And I'll end with this verse, which is such a great example of how we should live...

"Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Love y'all!