left behind

There are reminders of her everywhere.

From her hand-me-downs hanging in my closest to voice messages on WhatsApp to the souvenirs I brought her from England to a note on our fridge that says, "Kyra loves Coco and Lizzy."

On my first day in Rome, she took me to what is now my favorite bar and bought me my first cappuccino and cornetto. I then went to her house where she had strung a "Benvenuto" banner and had made lunch. 

Since then, her apartment, less than a five-minute walk from mine, was a place of refuge and comfort. A place I could be sure I would be welcomed with the pitter-patter of little feet running to open the door and a trio of little voices yelling, "Beh-Beh's here!" A place where the food was always excellent and the company was even better. A place where, if I was feeling sad or alone, we would just sit curled up on the couch with a cup of tea and she would ask what was going on and how she could pray for me. A place where we talked so much about marriage and motherhood and watched several seasons of "Call the Midwife." A place where we would try (to no avail) to get Reid to play a game with us.

Kyra Karr was without a doubt one of kindest, humblest, most selfless, most genuine people I have ever met (I LOATHE referring to her in the past tense). I have rarely met with someone who conducted herself with such dignity and grace, even under pressure...on those "Rome is so inefficient and frustrating" days or when one of the girls was having a meltdown. She was always composed. Always had a loving response. She was such a good mom. It was no secret how much she loved her daughters. She was always patient, always kind. She loved them and her husband so well. She taught me so much by the way she lived her life. 

And Kyra Karr was HILARIOUS! I loved her personality. She was goofy and lighthearted. She brought peace and joy into even tense situations. I was always amazed by that. Even when I wanted to get frustrated on her behalf.

And y'all...Kyra Karr loved Jesus. Loudly. Her faith has been and continues to be an inspiration for me. Obedient to God's call in her life, she moved her life and her kids overseas. She had a baby in Rome. She put her kids into public Italian school (and they are little champs!!). She humbled herself daily by speaking a foreign language and making "stupid American" mistakes. Life here is hard, but this was her home. She loved it here. She loved Italians. And it showed.

And she was so obedient to this verse:

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)

With her initiation and encouragement, she, Courtney and I did a Bible Study together, met regularly to pray for each other and memorized scripture. We were always at the Karrs' house. And whether we were just eating pasta squeezed around their kitchen table or devouring a decadent, made-especially-for-us birthday cake from her fancy book of cake recipes, Kyra was the perfect hostess. 

I felt at home in their home. They are my family here in Rome.

From Kyra being the one I knew I could call during a breakdown I had when I got sick and had to back out of a trip and everything felt out of control to the countless logistical things Reid has been so quick to help me with, the Karrs have been there for me in so many ways. They have been what's kept me here on my hardest days...knowing I could depend on them. Knowing that they cared about me. Encouraging me when I felt like I could never learn the language or do this living overseas thing.

It's been about 36 hours since I read the email that brought the initial blow...saying the family had been in a car accident and Kyra was killed on impact. (Gosh, it still doesn't feel real to say that.) Since then, there have been so many tears that I honestly think I'm getting dehydrated, and I've gone from shock to disbelief to overwhelming sadness to anger and back again. I couldn't sleep last night, and God graciously had so many people contact me during those hours in particular. And because I was awake anyway, I went on my roof (at one of the few times Rome is almost completely silent) to watch the sunrise. And I felt a peace up there alone in the quiet, watching God paint the sky. It was a reminder that He's still up there, "watching over our comings and goings both now and forevermore" (Psalm 121). 

I've also been surrounded by my Italian church family (there was a prayer meeting at my pastor's house the evening we all got the news), other Americans on my team (Courtney and I had dinner with some team members that night), and far-away friends who have been peppering me with emails and messages and phone calls, making sure we're okay.

I don't understand why this happened. I am utterly heartbroken for Reid, Nolyn, Ellie, Livia and the rest of her precious family, some of whom I have had the pleasure of meeting. I miss my dear friend and mentor. In fact, I miss them all so incredibly much...they were supposed to return to Rome today after two months in the U.S. and I was so excited to see them again. It doesn't make sense. I can't reason or explain it away or change or fix anything.

And people keep telling me to be strong, but honestly my faith feels shaky at best. That line from Return to Me keeps popping into my head: "What was God thinking?!"

But, astoundingly, the person who surely is suffering the most through all of this and would understandably be the most shattered is the one giving me strength...giving me hope. I'm so thankful for Reid...my supervisor...our fearless leader...who blows me away by saying that he is not angry with the driver of the 18-wheeler who left the truck in gear, causing it to roll down the hill and into his beautiful wife. He's not enraged that he was under the influence of narcotics and just flat out negligent. Instead he tells us, "I am not at all angry with him however and to be honest I never even think about that. With the freak timing and coincidence of everything, what else can I do but find hope in knowing the Lord allowed this for a reason."

I'm amazed by that response. None of us can know what that reason is right now. And even though I cannot see how this will ultimately bring Him glory, I know He can and He will use it. And I am so proud of and thankful for Reid for staying so strong, and moreover for the Lord who is his strength in this time of weakness. Because let's face it, no amount of earthly strength would be sufficient for Reid and especially their oldest daughter (six years old) to be able to handle everything with the grace and dignity they are demonstrating. Just like I'm sure Kyra would have.

I had so many passages of scripture dog-eared so that I could reference them here. But I think I'll just let these memories of Kyra speak for themselves. Because she preached the gospel with her life. And I am beyond blessed to have known her so well, even for so brief a time as a year and a half.

I'll end with this, because it was one of the last verses she had been memorizing and it's a good reminder...in Romans 4:17, Paul talks about Abraham believing in "the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not."

Kyra is alive in Christ, and, starting yesterday, is spending eternity enjoying and praising her Lord and Savior. I have no doubt. Through Jesus, in whom she believed, there is life for the dead. And He can make something out of nothing. He can make something beautiful out of all this pain...all this dust.

So, for those of us left behind, may be rejoice with Kyra, who doesn't have to be homesick for Heaven any longer. May we realize this life is fleeting and temporary and we are not guaranteed one more breath. This world is just our temporary home.

Even so, you left behind ones, I mourn with you and I remember my friend and miss her deeply already. I am praying with and for you. May her love be an example for us and point us to true Love....Love that transforms...that gives life to the dead and calls into beings things that were not.

Love from Rome,

Elizabeth