It's still pretty crazy to me how this time last year the guy I'd had a crush on all semester had just (finally) gotten my number and we started talking on a regular basis...How I really no longer had any expectations of meeting anyone at grad school and had already set my sights on the impending graduation and whatever would come next...But how, on the first day of my last semester, in philosophy class (a requirement for graduation that I had put off until my last semester), a guy introduced himself as we walked out of class after something I had said about living in Europe, saying he was a European citizen and also wanted to go back to Europe...How he caught my interest from day one but I really had no idea he was also interested until months later...How we got to know each other as classmates who became friends...How we got to know each other initially without the hype of dating right off the bat and that allowed us to just be ourselves...How this man has fought for my heart with such steadiness and patience and perseverance, even (or especially) when he seemed much more sure than I felt...How his faithfulness and intentionality in building my trust reminds me of how the Lord relates to me...How he has worked to win me over...How much more I'm learning about trusting the Lord through learning to trust this man who loves me so well (though never so well as my eternal Husband always has and alway will)...How God orchestrated the crazy amazing fact that we were both in Europe (though in different countries) for the past few months...How distance can actually make the heart grow fonder and help you learn to communicate better and better because verbal communication is all you have...How I somehow always love him even more after the hard conversations, because, as we do the hard work of working through things, we come out stronger on the other side...How I've watched God provide in ways I didn't even really think were realistic...more than I could ask or imagine...How we've prayerfully been talking through this whole marriage thing for a while now...
And how the man who's been chipping away at my walls and healing wounds he never inflicted asked me to marry him in Europe, a place so dear to both of our hearts!
It's still a little surreal, and I hope I never stop being amazed at how God orchestrates circumstances for our good and his glory (Romans 8:28)...even what may feel, at the time, like heartbreaks and disappointments are just part of leading us into "our good and his glory," even if we don't always get to see that so clearly and explicitly on this side of eternity.
It's just another way he's been teaching me to trust him lately...to look at my life and look how he's led me so far...He is so overwhelmingly kind! I'm so thankful I get to walk through this life knowing more and more deeply the One who knows everything that has ever been and ever will be and knows me better than I know myself...the One who is sovereign over it all but condescends to make himself known through coming down to live among us...as one of us...who condescended to be a fetus in a teenager's womb then a baby that had to be fed and changed and a kid with scraped knees and a teenager with acne and a man who was crucified. The King of Kings who laid aside his royal robe to kneel down and wash feet...who came not to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28).
I've been thinking a lot lately how the Christian life is a bit like a long-distance engagement.
Glenn and I have been engaged for a couple of weeks now, and we won't be in the same place again until almost two weeks from now. Long-distance dating was hard. Long-distance engagement is WAY HARDER.
There is so much excitement and expectancy...so much to look forward to! That already-but-not-yet thing feels more real to me than it has ever felt. He's already made a promise to me (as the PERFECT ring on my finger daily reminds me). But we're not actually married yet. We're not living together. We can't even be physically present together and see each other in person with these many miles (and, up until yesterday, also time zones and an ocean) of separation.
In a similar way, Jesus has pursued my heart and won me over and extended the invitation of eternity and perfection with him and I've committed my life to him as well. And though I can communicate with him through his Word and prayer and his Holy Spirit, I've not yet seen him face to face. But I know he is going to prepare a place for me (see John 14). I know that one day there will be a wedding feast that will be so much better than the one that Glenn and I will have...one where the Bride (the church) is finally and forever and fully united with the Bridegroom (Christ). I hope that our marriage is only ever a pointer in the direction of the real and permanent and perfect Marriage to come. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face" (1 Corinthians 13:12).
And I know it will be worth the wait.
Even so, waiting is hard. The already-but-not-yet waiting of engagement is hard. Waiting for Christ's Kingdom to fully come is hard. Life here below is far from perfect and is often painful.
But this is what we have to look forward to:
6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
“Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
8 it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure”—
For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
8 it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure”—
for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
9 And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” (Rev. 19:6-9)
1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:1-4)
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)
There's SO much to look forward to!! As this season of Advent, this season of expectancy and of commemorating awaiting the first arrival of Jesus on earth, comes to a close, may we be looking with such eager expectancy and longing towards Christ's second coming...when he will return to take us home and make all sad things untrue. When there will be nothing but happily-ever-afters for all time for us as his Bride!
As I'm longing for my own wedding day and my soon-to-be husband, I hope it never overshadows the longing for the much much better marriage I have to look forward to. Try as he might, Glenn will inevitably let me down, and our marriage will only last a lifetime anyway. We won't be married in heaven (Mark 12:25) nor will we care, because we will have a Spouse who satisfies us more entirely and intimately than any earthly spouse ever could.
And he's coming for us.
Is that what you have to look forward to?
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