[feer]
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.
something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension; something a person is afraid of.
anticipation of the possibility that something unpleasant will occur.
I'm pretty sure that simply being human sets us up for feeling some degree of fear at least occasionally in our lives. Because we are finite...because if we are honest, we don't and can't know it all…because no matter how hard we try to make it so, very little is actually in our control.
So fear, as stated above, more often than not is at least loosely linked to what might happen. Because we are uncertain of the outcome, we may be afraid of a particular circumstance.
Most feelings of fearfulness, if not arguably all such feelings, arise from some degree of dread, distress and trepidation towards the unknown.
Let me just preface this by saying that I'm preaching to myself here. Fear can be paralyzing. And I'll confess that, even now as I write this, I have let fear -- fear of failure, fear of people's reactions, fear of what could result -- keep me from even attempting certain things.
And not that I'm at all letting myself off the hook here, but living in another country is scary! I love it here, but I just so often feel like I'm going to strike out (insert appropriate, yet perhaps slightly cheesy quote: "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game"). When I first got here, I didn't even want to go to the supermarket by myself because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find something or someone would ask me something in Italian and I wouldn't be able to adequately respond. Which, by the way, that happens all the time. That's when I shrug and say, "That wasn't so bad. This is my life right now. I'm struggling to function in a foreign language, and I will and do make a fool of myself. Daily."
Che sarà, sarà…Whatever will be, will be. (Oh by the way, that's Italian ;))
But God's really been convicting me of this lately and bringing the concept and reality of fear to the forefront of my mind and heart. Because there are so many things that I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of trying to use things I'm passionate about (like Zumba and art) because…what if I can't find a place to do these things? I'd have to work out the logistics of any type of event in Italian, and what if I mess that up? And what if I plan something and everything seems in place and then no one comes?
Sometimes I'm afraid if I walk around alone at night or if I notice a man staring at me (any young woman who's lived abroad or even in a big city in the U.S. knows exactly what I'm talking about). I'm also afraid that I'm not doing anything all that helpful or useful or important here. I'm afraid I'm not doing an adequate job of telling people who Christ is and what He's done for me…for them…at the same time, fear of messing up a relationship or not doing the gospel justice keeps me, I'm sure, from sharing truth and love as often as I should.
Here are two big ones I'd dare to bet most people struggle with: Fear of loneliness and fear of the future. I don't think these need much elaboration or personal anecdotes from me, because I'm sure you can easily insert your own thoughts on these subjects…married or single, fresh out of college or head of a company, white picket fence or living without the guarantee of electricity or clean water each day.
But where there is fear, I know my faith is weak.
Just writing that immediately brought to mind the story of Peter walking on the water:
"During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it is you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said. "Why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:25-31)
That's me. That's all of us as believers who have said, "Yes, Lord. I will follow you out onto rough, stormy waters." But that doesn't mean we aren't going to look around at our circumstances…check out the wind and the waves and freak out and flail around and try not to drown until we can finally shout out, "Lord save me! Save me from my fear! Save me from myself."
But the beauty of all that is…He catches us.
"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him."
Another example that God has led me to (a couple of different ways at a couple different times lately, actually) is the story of Joshua and Caleb and their mission, along with the other Israelite spies, to scout out the Promised Land.
Let me explain…no. There is too much. Let me sum up: (…The Princess Bride…anyone…anyone?)
So this is after God leads the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and Moses parts the Red Sea and God provides food for them in the desert. These people are right on the brink of the Promised Land…what they've been hoping for and heading towards for so long. So God commands Moses to send out some men for 40 days to explore the region and see what they will face in this new land…who they would have to conquer in order to take possession of the land that had been promised to them.
In Numbers 13 and 14, the Bible tells us the spies saw that the land was fruitful and good, but they were afraid of the people.
"But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large….We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are." (Numbers 13:28, 31)
Only Caleb and Joshua remained faithful. Even while the people grumbled that they'd rather return to slavery in Egypt than face the uncertainty of this new land and its challenges, Joshua said, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them." (Numbers 14:7-9)
How often to miss out on opportunities…potentially exponential blessings…because we are afraid?
One last thing.
"When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
In God I trust; I will not be afraid." (Psalm 56:3-4)
So how do you combat fear? With Faith. And no, faith in yourself or another human being just isn't going to ultimately cut it.
He's bigger than all that.
Assurance of the steadfast love and goodness and holiness and justice of God. Abiding in the Word of God.
Knowing that the ultimate goal of my life IS God.
That's it. That doesn't mean I'll never be afraid of anything every again. Don't I wish… But that reality makes everything else so small. All the things I'm afraid of are like a speck of dust in the light of Him…in the light of Eternity.
He is with me. I know Him. And I love Him.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)
