a long-distance engagement.

A lot can change in a year. 

It's still pretty crazy to me how this time last year the guy I'd had a crush on all semester had just (finally) gotten my number and we started talking on a regular basis...How I really no longer had any expectations of meeting anyone at grad school and had already set my sights on the impending graduation and whatever would come next...But how, on the first day of my last semester, in philosophy class (a requirement for graduation that I had put off until my last semester), a guy introduced himself as we walked out of class after something I had said about living in Europe, saying he was a European citizen and also wanted to go back to Europe...How he caught my interest from day one but I really had no idea he was also interested until months later...How we got to know each other as classmates who became friends...How we got to know each other initially without the hype of dating right off the bat and that allowed us to just be ourselves...How this man has fought for my heart with such steadiness and patience and perseverance, even (or especially) when he seemed much more sure than I felt...How his faithfulness and intentionality in building my trust reminds me of how the Lord relates to me...How he has worked to win me over...How much more I'm learning about trusting the Lord through learning to trust this man who loves me so well (though never so well as my eternal Husband always has and alway will)...How God orchestrated the crazy amazing fact that we were both in Europe (though in different countries) for the past few months...How distance can actually make the heart grow fonder and help you learn to communicate better and better because verbal communication is all you have...How I somehow always love him even more after the hard conversations, because, as we do the hard work of working through things, we come out stronger on the other side...How I've watched God provide in ways I didn't even really think were realistic...more than I could ask or imagine...How we've prayerfully been talking through this whole marriage thing for a while now...

And how the man who's been chipping away at my walls and healing wounds he never inflicted asked me to marry him in Europe, a place so dear to both of our hearts!

It's still a little surreal, and I hope I never stop being amazed at how God orchestrates circumstances for our good and his glory (Romans 8:28)...even what may feel, at the time, like heartbreaks and disappointments are just part of leading us into "our good and his glory," even if we don't always get to see that so clearly and explicitly on this side of eternity. 

It's just another way he's been teaching me to trust him lately...to look at my life and look how he's led me so far...He is so overwhelmingly kind! I'm so thankful I get to walk through this life knowing more and more deeply the One who knows everything that has ever been and ever will be and knows me better than I know myself...the One who is sovereign over it all but condescends to make himself known through coming down to live among us...as one of us...who condescended to be a fetus in a teenager's womb then a baby that had to be fed and changed and a kid with scraped knees and a teenager with acne and a man who was crucified. The King of Kings who laid aside his royal robe to kneel down and wash feet...who came not to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28). 

I've been thinking a lot lately how the Christian life is a bit like a long-distance engagement. 

Glenn and I have been engaged for a couple of weeks now, and we won't be in the same place again until almost two weeks from now. Long-distance dating was hard. Long-distance engagement is WAY HARDER. 

There is so much excitement and expectancy...so much to look forward to! That already-but-not-yet thing feels more real to me than it has ever felt. He's already made a promise to me (as the PERFECT ring on my finger daily reminds me). But we're not actually married yet. We're not living together. We can't even be physically present together and see each other in person with these many miles (and, up until yesterday, also time zones and an ocean) of separation. 

In a similar way, Jesus has pursued my heart and won me over and extended the invitation of eternity and perfection with him and I've committed my life to him as well. And though I can communicate with him through his Word and prayer and his Holy Spirit, I've not yet seen him face to face. But I know he is going to prepare a place for me (see John 14). I know that one day there will be a wedding feast that will be so much better than the one that Glenn and I will have...one where the Bride (the church) is finally and forever and fully united with the Bridegroom (Christ). I hope that our marriage is only ever a pointer in the direction of the real and permanent and perfect Marriage to come. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face" (1 Corinthians 13:12). 

And I know it will be worth the wait. 

Even so, waiting is hard. The already-but-not-yet waiting of engagement is hard. Waiting for Christ's Kingdom to fully come is hard. Life here below is far from perfect and is often painful. 

But this is what we have to look forward to: 

6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
    the Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and exult
    and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
    and his Bride has made herself ready;
8 it was granted her to clothe herself
    with fine linen, bright and pure”—

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

9 And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” (Rev. 19:6-9)

1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:1-4)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)

There's SO much to look forward to!! As this season of Advent, this season of expectancy and of commemorating awaiting the first arrival of Jesus on earth, comes to a close, may we be looking with such eager expectancy and longing towards Christ's second coming...when he will return to take us home and make all sad things untrue. When there will be nothing but happily-ever-afters for all time for us as his Bride!

As I'm longing for my own wedding day and my soon-to-be husband, I hope it never overshadows the longing for the much much better marriage I have to look forward to. Try as he might, Glenn will inevitably let me down, and our marriage will only last a lifetime anyway. We won't be married in heaven (Mark 12:25) nor will we care, because we will have a Spouse who satisfies us more entirely and intimately than any earthly spouse ever could. 

And he's coming for us.

Is that what you have to look forward to?

the enchantment.

I've been reading through The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis this year. I'd gotten as far as The Voyage of the Dawn Treader about a decade ago, probably, but had never read the series in its entirety until now. 

If you haven't read these books, I highly recommend them. Not only are they wonderfully entertaining stories, but they also offer brilliant illustrations of spiritual/biblical truths. The way Lewis uses his character of Aslan the Lion, especially, to demonstrate truths about God's character and the way he relates to us has brought me to tears several times this year. 

As I was reading The Silver Chair a few weeks ago, one chapter in particular really struck me as so relevant to and reflective of the world we live in today. So, this blog post is mostly going to be one long excerpt from Chapter 12 of that book.

As a quick recap, the plot follows two children from our world (Jill and Eustace) who are brought into Narnia and sent on a mission by Aslan to go in search of the long lost prince (Prince Rillian). They are joined in their quest by a "marsh-wiggle" named Puddlegum, and eventually discover that the prince has been put under a spell and is being held hostage in Underland by an evil queen. After the spell has been broken and they try to make their escape while the queen is away, the queen returns to her castle. Instead of using brute force to stop them, this is how the queen tries to keep them trapped in Underland:

Now the Witch said nothing at all, but moved gently across the room, always keeping her face and eyes very steadily towards the Prince. When she had come to a little ark set in the wall not far from the fireplace, she opened it, and took out first a handful of a green powder. This she threw on the fire. It did not blaze much, but a very sweet and drowsy smell came from it. And all through the conversation which followed, that smell grew stronger, and filled the room, and made it harder to think. Secondly, she took out a musical instrument rather like a mandolin. She began to play it with her fingers - a steady, monotonous thrumming that you didn't notice after a few minutes. But the less you noticed it, the more it got into your brain and your blood. This also made it hard to think. After she had thrummed for a time (and the sweet smell was now strong) she began speaking in a sweet, quiet voice.

"Narnia?" she said. "Narnia? I have often heard your Lordship utter that name in your ravings. Dear Prince, you are very sick. There is no land called Narnia."


"Yes there is, though, Ma'am," said Puddleglum. "You see, I happen to have lived there all my life."


"Indeed," said the Witch. "Tell me, I pray you, where that country is?"


"Up there," said Puddleglum, stoutly, pointing overhead. "I - I don't know exactly where."


"How?" said the Queen, with a kind, soft, musical laugh. "Is there a country up among the stones and mortar of the roof?"


"No," said Puddleglum, struggling a little to get his breath. "It's in Overworld."


"And what, or where, pray is this... how do you call it... Overworld?"


"Oh, don't be so silly," said Scrubb, who was fighting hard against the enchantment of the sweet smell and the thrumming. "As if you didn't know! It's up above, up where you can see the sky and the sun and the stars. Why, you've been there yourself. We met you there."


"I cry you mercy, little brother," laughed the Witch (you couldn't have heard a lovelier laugh). "I have no memory of that meeting. But we often meet our friends in strange places when we dream. And unless all dreamed alike, you must not ask them to remember it."

"Madam," said the Prince sternly, "I have already told your Grace that I am the King's son of Narnia."


"And shalt be, dear friend," said the Witch in a soothing voice, as if she was humouring a child, "shalt be king of many imagined lands in thy fancies."


"We've been there, too," snapped Jill. She was very angry because she could feel enchantment getting hold of her every moment. But of course the very fact that she could still feel it, showed that it had not yet fully worked.


"And thou art Queen of Narnia too, I doubt not, pretty one," said the Witch in the same coaxing, half-mocking tone.


"I'm nothing of the sort," said Jill, stamping her foot. "We come from another world."


"Why, this is a prettier game than the other," said the Witch. "Tell us, little maid, where is this other world? What ships and chariots go between it and ours?"


Of course a lot of things darted into Jill's head at once: Experiment House, Adela Pennyfather, her own home, radio-sets, cinemas, cars, aeroplanes, ration-books, queues. But they seemed dim and far away. (Thrum thrum - thrum - went the strings of the Witch's instrument.) Jill couldn't remember the names of the things in our world. And this time it didn't come into her head that she was being enchanted, for now the magic was in its full strength; and of course, the more enchanted you get, the more certain you feel that you are not enchanted at all. She found herself saying (and at the moment it was a relief to say):


"No. I suppose that other world must be all a dream."


"Yes. It is all a dream," said the Witch, always thrumming.


"Yes, all a dream," said Jill.


"There never was such a world," said the Witch.


"No," said Jill and Scrubb, "never was such a world."


"There never was any world but mine," said the Witch.


"There never was any world but yours," said they.


Puddleglum was still fighting hard. "I don't know rightly what you all mean by a world," he said, talking like a man who hasn't enough air. "But you can play that fiddle till your fingers drop off, and still you won't make me forget Narnia; and the whole Overworld too. We'll never see it again, I shouldn't wonder. You may have blotted it out and turned it dark like this, for all I know. Nothing more likely. But I know I was there once. I've seen the sky full of stars. I've seen the sun coming up out of the sea of a morning and sinking behind the mountains at night. And I've seen him up in the midday sky when I couldn't look at him for brightness."


Puddleglum's words had a very rousing effect. The other three all breathed again and looked at one another like people newly awaked.


"Why, there it is!" cried the Prince. "Of course! The blessing of Aslan upon this honest Marsh-wiggle. We have all been dreaming, these last few minutes. How could we have forgotten it? Of course we've all seen the sun."


"By Jove, so we have!" said Scrubb. "Good for you, Puddleglum! You're the only one of us with any sense, I do believe."


Then came the Witch's voice, cooing softly like the voice of a wood-pigeon from the high elms in an old garden at three o'clock in the middle of a sleepy, summer afternoon; and it said:


"What is this sun that you all speak of? Do you mean anything by the word?"


"Yes, we jolly well do," said Scrubb.


"Can you tell me what it's like?" asked the Witch (thrum, thrum, thrum, went the strings).


"Please it your Grace," said the Prince, very coldly and politely. "You see that lamp. It is round and yellow and gives light to the whole room; and hangeth moreover from the roof. Now that thing which we call the sun is like the lamp, only far greater and brighter. It giveth light to the whole Overworld and hangeth in the sky."


"Hangeth from what, my lord?" asked the Witch; and then, while they were all still thinking how to answer her, she added, with another of her soft, silver laughs: "You see? When you try to think out clearly what this sun must be, you cannot tell me. You can only tell me it is like the lamp. Your sun is a dream; and there is nothing in that dream that was not copied from the lamp. The lamp is the real thing; the sun is but a tale, a children's story."


"Yes, I see now," said Jill in a heavy, hopeless tone. "It must be so." And while she said this, it seemed to her to be very good sense.


Slowly and gravely the Witch repeated, "There is no sun." And they all said nothing. She repeated, in a softer and deeper voice. "There is no sun." After a pause, and after a struggle in their minds, all four of them said together. "You are right. There is no sun." It was such a relief to give in and say it.


"There never was a sun," said the Witch.


"No. There never was a sun," said the Prince, and the Marsh-wiggle, and the children.
For the last few minutes Jill had been feeling that there was something she must remember at all costs. And now she did. But it was dreadfully hard to say it. She felt as if huge weights were laid on her lips. At last, with an effort that seemed to take all the good out of her, she said:


"There's Aslan."


"Aslan?" said the Witch, quickening ever so slightly the pace of her thrumming. "What a pretty name! What does it mean?"


"He is the great Lion who called us out of our own world," said Scrubb, "and sent us into this to find Prince Rilian."


"What is a lion?" asked the Witch.


"Oh, hang it all!" said Scrubb. "Don't you know? How can we describe it to her? Have you ever seen a cat?"


"Surely," said the Queen. "I love cats."


"Well, a lion is a little bit - only a little bit, mind you like a huge cat - with a mane. At least, it's not like a horse's mane, you know, it's more like a judge's wig. And it's yellow. And terrifically strong."


The Witch shook her head. "I see," she said, "that we should do no better with your lion, as you call it, than we did with your sun. You have seen lamps, and so you imagined a bigger and better lamp and called it the sun. You've seen cats, and now you want a bigger and better cat, and it's to be called a lion. Well, 'tis a pretty makebelieve, though, to say truth, it would suit you all better if you were younger. And look how you can put nothing into your make-believe without copying it from the real world, this world of mine, which is the only world. But even you children are too old for such play. As for you, my lord Prince, that art a man full grown, fie upon you! Are you not ashamed of such toys? Come, all of you. Put away these childish tricks. I have work for you all in the real world. There is no Narnia, no Overworld, no sky, no sun, no Aslan. And now, to bed all. And let us begin a wiser life tomorrow. But, first, to bed; to sleep; deep sleep, soft pillows, sleep without foolish dreams."


The Prince and the two children were standing with their heads hung down, their cheeks flushed, their eyes half closed; the strength all gone from them; the enchantment almost complete. But Puddleglum, desperately gathering all his strength, walked over to the fire. Then he did a very brave thing. He knew it wouldn't hurt him quite as much as it would hurt a human; for his feet (which were bare) were webbed and hard and coldblooded like a duck's. But he knew it would hurt him badly enough; and so it did. With his bare foot he stamped on the fire, grinding a large part of it into ashes on the flat hearth. And three things happened at once.


First, the sweet heavy smell grew very much less. For though the whole fire had not been put out, a good bit of it had, and what remained smelled very largely of burnt Marsh-wiggle, which is not at all an enchanting smell. This instantly made everyone's brain far clearer. The Prince and the children held up their heads again and opened their eyes.


Secondly, the Witch, in a loud, terrible voice, utterly different from all the sweet tones she had been using up till now, called out, "What are you doing? Dare to touch my fire again, mud-filth, and I'll turn the blood to fire inside your veins."


Thirdly, the pain itself made Puddleglum's head for a moment perfectly clear and he knew exactly what he really thought. There is nothing like a good shock of pain for dissolving certain kinds of magic.


"One word, Ma'am," he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a playworld which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say."

You'll have to read the rest of the story to find out what becomes of the children, the prince, and the marsh-wiggle.

I could not help but see this passage as a cautionary tale to us not to simply drift with the flow of the culture in which we live. As believers, the world would make us out to be fools. But is it possible that we who believe that this world is not all there is--that, in fact, the things of this world are but shadows of the Real Thing--are the wiser ones? Is it possible that we are being lulled to sleep by the siren song of culture? That we might have an Enemy who is doing all he can to dull our hearts and minds to the Truth?

Is it, at least, worth considering? Does this passage not at least give us incentive to wake up and take note of the air we're breathing and the messages we're hearing? What if there's something--of Someone--out there who really doesn't want you know to why or how or by Whom you were created...who doesn't want you to know that there's hope...that there's more.

What if there is a Truth that could be discovered (or remembered?) if we were to fight against such a seductive enchantment? And, if we're honest, isn't the belief that there's more, in fact, better than believing this brokenness is as good as it's ever going to get? And if you believe things are just fine here, thanks, what if there were a Reality that put even the greatest ecstasy of our present reality to shame? Isn't that a hope worth at least your honest examination and consideration? 

What if it took the leap of faith it takes to believe such "children's stories" to break the spell and realize the Truth behind them?

We were not made for the dank darkness of Underland. We were made for more. And we have a real, living Aslan who, as Aslan did in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, paid the price traitors like Edmund (and you and me) owed and broke the witch's wintry curse. 

Do you believe this? If not, what do you really believe? 

What if you're wrong? 

And do you think there's even a shred of a chance there might be something at work that wants to keep you from believing what is actually True (if what you believe is not true)? 

Like I said, I think it's at least worth considering. 

May we as Christians, like Puddlegum, even though it may cause great pain and sacrifice on our own part, do our best to stamp out the sweet aroma of that which would lead us and those we love astray. 

why wait?

Let's talk about sex.

I know it's a touchy subject (pun kind of intended).

This blog post was inspired by a conversion with a friend the other day who was curious why my boyfriend and I won't be staying together when he comes to visit me while I'm in Italy. It's a good question, and I know it seems unnatural or even borderline masochistic to the culture at large that a couple would practice such "self-deprivation" by not sleeping together. At the very least, I know most people would consider sex (a) just not a big deal or (b) that it would just be pragmatically and financially inconvenient not to live/stay together.

So, why wait? And what are we waiting for?

I feel like I fumbled my way through an explanation the other day and I've been thinking a lot about it ever since, so this is my attempt at a more well-thought-out response. 

In this day and age, I would dare to guess that only "religious" people value reserving sex for marriage. But this is not a post about the sinfulness of sex or being prudish and straight-laced for the sake of being prudish and straight-laced or doing all the "right" things and not doing all the "wrong" things. 

I want to argue, rather, that sex is beautiful and a purposefully-created gift to be enjoyed...in the context for which it was created. 

I don't abstain from sex because I think lowly of it, but rather because I have a very high view of it. I like how John Piper describes it in a podcast on DesiringGod.com: 

"We save sex for marriage precisely because sex is natural, and normal, and beautiful and so that we can keep it that way. So that it does not become common, and sordid, and manipulative, and diseased, and cheap, but precious, and personal, and clean, and sacred. You don’t put fences around weeds. You put fences around gardens. We don’t put our dirty socks under lock and key in the hotel room. We put our rings and our wallet in the safe. Holding sex until marriage doesn’t make it unnatural. It makes it priceless."

So, why only have a sexual relationship with the person you marry?

As I've reflected on it, I can see three main reasons that go beyond "the Bible says so" (which, by the way, it does [see 1 Cor. 6:18-20, 1 Thess. 4:3-5, Gal. 5:19-21, and Hebrews 13:4, just to name a few]).

First of all, science. 

That's right. My first argument isn't even a "Christian" one. I actually read an article not long ago on Bustle.com about what sex does to your brain (which goes along with things I learned about brain chemistry and its relationship to emotions and addictive behaviors for my counseling degree). According to the article,

"Sleeping with someone can drudge up all sorts of actions and feelings you may not have even known you had — and that's because a lot goes on in your brain and your body that you might not even be aware of. There are a number of weird effects of sex on the brain, and knowing what these are can help you better understand why you feel the way you feel with someone. Not everyone reacts the same way after sex, but experts say there are certain hormones that are released and parts of the brain that are activated for most people when they get involved sexually with someone."

So what kind of things happen in the brain during/after sex? 

1. Oxytocin ("often referred to as the cuddle hormone") is released, especially in women, making us more inclined to feel connected to someone.

2. The cerebellum (which processes emotion) is activated.

3. The neurotransmitter dopamine is released ("Dopamine is one of the brain chemicals involved in addiction – it tells us 'That was good, we liked that, we should do that again and feel good again.' We pursue activities that release dopamine to chase that 'high.'")

4. The hippocampus is engaged (which can affect memory). 

5. The orbitofrontal cortex is shut down (which can can affect decision-making).

6. Vasopressin is released, making us feel attached ("Vasopressin (which is made in the hypothalamus) is released from the pituitary gland in the brain after sex. This hormone, which helps you regulate thirst, is also involved in the development of attachment. 'Specifically, increased vasopressin is correlated with devotion to and protection of the person you slept with and is believed to be the hormone that motivates us to be monogamous,' clinical psychologist Jennifer Sweeton, Psy.D., M.S., M.A. tells Bustle").

7. The neural pathway involved in social judgment turns off ("There's a reason you have a hard time producing a logical, analytical assessment of the person you slept with: the neural pathway involved in social judgment turns off. 'This is likely why we have the saying that "Love is blind,"' says Sweeton. Because of this, your focus may shift from thoughts to emotions").

On the one hand, what a beautiful thing!! (And perhaps even an argument in favor of a Creator behind the intricacy of intimacy...?). Things naturally happen in our bodies and brains that make us more attracted to and attached whoever we are intimately involved with. How wonderful if that is one person and that person is someone who has committed to love us for better or for worse and all that! There are literally hormones involved in (and designed to?) keep us committed to the person we are sleeping with. 

On the other hand, what a terrifying thing if we habitually activate these chemical reactions with a person who might not be good for us or that will likely leave us eventually! I (unfortunately) personally know enough about how much harder intimacy outside of the commitment of marriage can make breakups. Because your brain does all these crazy (and cool!) things to make you feel more and more connected to that person. So when things end...yeah, it's painful and feels a bit like withdrawal. (Ever wondered why so many songs compare love to a drug?)

To quote Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage at length,

"The modern sexual revolution finds the idea of abstinence till marriage to be so unrealistic as to be ludicrous. In fact, many people believe it is psychologically unhealthy and harmful. Yet despite the contemporary incredulity, this has been the unquestioned uniform teaching of not only one but all of the Christian churches—Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant.

The Bible does not counsel sexual abstinence before marriage because it has such a low view of sex but because it has such a lofty one. The Biblical view implies that sex outside of marriage is not just morally wrong but also personally harmful. If sex is designed to be part of making a covenant and experiencing that covenant’s renewal, then we should think of sex as an emotional “commitment apparatus.”

If sex is a method that God invented to do “whole life entrustment” and self-giving, it should not surprise us that sex makes us feel deeply connected to the other person, even when used wrongly. Unless you deliberately disable it, or through practice you numb the original impulse, sex makes you feel personally interwoven and joined to another human being, as you are literally physically joined. In the midst of sexual passion, you naturally want to say extravagant things such as, “I’ll always love you.”

Even if you are not legally married, you may find yourself quickly feeling marriage-like ties, feeling that the other person has obligations to you. But that other person has no legal, social, or moral responsibility to even call you back in the morning. This incongruity leads to jealousy and hurt feelings and obsessiveness if two people are having sex but are not married. It makes breaking up vastly harder than it should be. It leads many people to stay trapped in relationships that are not good because of a feeling of having (somehow) connected themselves.

Therefore, if you have sex outside marriage, you will have to steel yourself against sex’s power to soften your hear toward another person and make you more trusting. The problem is that, eventually, sex will lose its covenant-making power for you, even if you one day do get married. Ironically, then, sex outside of marriage eventually works backwards, making you less able to commit and trust another person."

Science.

But is there another reason? A theological one?

Non-Christians could use an argument like the one above to choose not to have sex outside of marriage (in addition to the risk an unplanned pregnancy or STDs). But is there another reason that Christians in particular reserve sex for marriage?

(I'm realizing how long this post already is and feeling a little overwhelmed at all I could say on this subject, but I'll try to be concise.)

According to the Bible, God said it was not good for man to be alone and created woman as a helper fit for man (see Gen. 1-2). We see marriage in the opening chapters of the Bible! 

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). (And did not the information about brain chemistry above argue that there is in fact some sort of "one flesh" thing happening during sex?)

Additionally, according to Christian belief, marriage isn't just something God himself instituted but it also points to something greater. In Ephesians 5, right after quoting the above verse from Genesis, Paul says, "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church" (Eph. 5:32).

In this love story to top all love stories (the truth of which all romance novels and fairytales are merely shadows?) the God of the universe chose to become like the beings he created, even though they had chosen created things over the Creator (see Romans 1). He came for reconciliation...to restore that broken relationship. He came and experienced everything humans experience and suffered everything humans suffer, to identify with us. He suffered and died in the place of those he loved...the ultimate sacrifice of laying down his life. But he didn't just die. That might be noble, but that would be devoid of power. Instead he proved his power by resurrecting himself from the dead, conquering death and freeing humanity from its hold on them and opening a way for eternal life for those who would accept his free gift (his proposal?) of salvation. 

"For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called." (Isaiah 54:5).

I realize and respect that those who do not believe in Jesus would not see marriage this way. But for those who claim to be followers of Christ, dare we defile one of the biggest and most obvious images he uses to reflect his relationship with us as believers? Will we really chose to step into the undertow of culture and our own desires and reject the prescriptions he has so clearly laid out for us in his Word? And if we do, is the Truth really in us at all? (See really all of 1 John, especially 1 John 1-2).

Lastly, I'm sure sex is great and all (and I hope a decade from now I can personally attest to how wonderfully binding and fulfilling it has been for years in my own marriage), but Jesus is better. His ways are better. If he created sex, I want it his way. Surely he knows better than I do how it should work. And HE is my hope...not whether or not I get married or how successful or "happy" or fulfilled sexually satisfied I feel. All those things (even marriage!) are temporary. But a breath in comparison to eternity. 

And I know some are of the belief that we all just cease to exist when we die. And I guess if that is true it doesn't really matter what you do with your body and it doesn't even matter if I'm wrong about this whole God thing because when I die my body will turn to dust and that will be that. 

But what if these crazy Christians actually have it right? What if you have a soul that will spend eternity (ETERNITY) somewhere? What if you really will have to answer to Someone someday for all the things you did and believed? (Thank God for grace, without which none of us would have hope!!)

The way I see it, the risk is high enough to at least consider these things. 

I'll leave you with one last quote from John Piper as well as what we, as believers, have to look forward to when we see Christ (our bridegroom) face to face:

"Another reason we save sex till marriage is that marriage is a picture of the covenant between Christ and his Church. And sex in that picture is the most exquisite pointer in the covenant relationship to the indescribable pleasures that await our full fellowship with Christ, in the age to come, in covenant with Jesus. Sex outside marriage is a lie about Jesus and about his relationship to the Church. It is a lie about where ultimate joy is to be found."

"Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

'Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God
    the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult    and give him the glory,for the marriage of the Lamb has come,    and his Bride has made herself ready; 
it was granted her to clothe herself    with fine linen, bright and pure.''' (Rev. 19:6-8)

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away'" (Rev. 21:1-4).

This is our hope. This is what we have to look forward to. And, like saving sex for the person we choose to commit to in marriage, it's worth waiting for.