Whoa.
Today is my one-year anniversary of living in Rome.
On January 8, 2014, my overnight flight landed in the city and country I'd been praying to go to for over a year. I think the sweet Italian preteen next to me probably thought I was insane for bouncing up and down in my seat and leaning over her to take in the views of hills and mountains and sea as the plane descended into the Fiumicino Airport.
We recently returned from a short trip to Spain, which was beautiful and exciting and tougher than I expected as things seemed to just fall apart when we got to Seville. Instead of the vacation we expected (there's that recurring theme of expectations vs. reality again), we found an apartment with no heat or hot water, a space-heater that blew a fuse, a Spanish stranger in our house during the power outage, technicians (who apparently had keys to the apartment where we were staying) fixing the heat/hot water situation until 1 a.m., limited means of communication to organize meeting up with our sweet Italian friend who decided to join us in Seville, and eating dinner in a Chinese restaurant on New Year's Eve because literally everything else was closed (because apparently in Seville it's a day for family...honestly I cannot describe the ghost town that this vibrant city transformed into by about 8 p.m.)
So after our delightful dinner, people finally started emerging from their houses and heading to the main plaza to partake in the New Year's grape-popping tradition (at midnight, Spaniards eat one grape for each chime of the clock). Oh and by the way, that was humorous in an of itself because there we were with our grapes, ready to bring in the New Year....and the clock only dongs four times. And just stops. So everyone kind of looks around confusedly, shrugs, and just starts eating their grapes and kissing each other.
But before the somewhat anticlimactic initiation of 2015, Courtney asked us all what was our favorite moment of 2014. Immediately, countless amazing, challenging, memorable moments ran through my brain. How could I pick just one?
It was the year I moved overseas...to a totally different culture...farther than I've ever been from my family and all things familiar. It was the year I learned a new language. I have been humbled by that experience and so many others this year. I've learned a lot about my stress behaviors and how they're just not pretty. I have been heartsick. I've been homesick. I've been physically sick. I've felt like an idiot. I've felt unworthy and unwanted. I've made so many mistakes. I've been lonely.
But I've also been rendered breathless by the beauty of this nation, these people, this continent...the wonders of God's creation and how His Spirit is moving. I've gotten to take in the view from Italian mountaintops and hilltown towers. I've seen the beautiful diversity of German, Spanish and Italian architecture. I swam in the Mediterranean Sea. I stood mere meters from masterpieces...da Vinci's The Last Supper, many works by Caravaggio, several of Bernini's sculptures, the Sistine Chapel. I've seen the ruins of Pompeii and ancient Rome. I've seen the city by motorino and on quiet, magical midnight bike rides (ya know, before our bikes were stolen...). I taught in a university English class and I gave the welcome at my Italian church. I translated for my parents in Tuscany. I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know so many beautiful people. I've seen people open the Bible for the first time. I have worshiped in foreign languages. I've felt more desperately needy for the Bread of Life and Living Water than ever before. I've been burned by the refining fire and beat into shape on the Potter's wheel (though let's face it, I'm still little more than an unseemly lump of clay). I have seen "the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (Psalm 27:13).
I have to remind myself of these miraculous things on the mundane days (and there are many). I get exhausted by the emotional roller coaster and spiritual battlefield this year has been. That may sound dramatic, but it is what it is. I invite you to leap so far out of your comfort zone that you experience it for yourself.
But through it all, through the mountains and valleys of this year and this life, He has been constant and sovereign and so good.
And just because this song (Not for a Moment by Meredith Andrews) is so appropriately playing as I write this, I'll share these lyrics with you:
You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me
[Chorus]
After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me
[Verse 2]
You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me
[Chorus]
And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my hurt at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
[Chorus]
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Love it.
Gosh do I have to remind myself of that constantly. Because sometimes I don't live like I believe that He will "never leave or forsake" me (Joshua 1:5). Even now, as I know I'm over halfway through this two-year journey and aware of the need to plan for the future, I worry and stress and fear for the next step. Because I don't know what it is. And that's hard.
But this has been a recurring verse for me lately: (and really...how often is a verse from Job recurring and encouraging...totally a God thing)
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." -Job 42:2
I may not know exactly what the plan is, but I know it can't be thwarted. And I know that it is for my good and His glory.
So as this week in particular has been one characterized by a downcast, discouraged, disquieted soul, I find rest and comfort and truth in His Word and His presence and just in HIM. And I go back to a verse I'm sure I have quoted here several times before but that is a reminder to shut up, to let go, to let Him be who He is...the Great I AM...that He will fill the whole earth with His glory. And it will be irrefutable. And someday there will be marvelous, joyous, all-in, sold-out worship.
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth." -Psalm 46:10
Happy New Year, everyone! Buon anno a tutti voi :)
